its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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