I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
