Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
