somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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