he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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