btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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