**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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