Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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