does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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