so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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