yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
