And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
