Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
