At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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