things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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