you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
