I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
