I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
