what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.