Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?