Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How does one acquire holy water?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
