Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
