I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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