Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
