i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
