You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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