I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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