Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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