If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
