we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
