If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
