So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
