You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
