Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
