You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
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I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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