yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
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My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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