I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
sarcasm needs its own font
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
