I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
