i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
