You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
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Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
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No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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