two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
