So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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