I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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