this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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