she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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