bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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