that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
