I wanna passion pit in your ass
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
