He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
