Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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