I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
