i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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