Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
