I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
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Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
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No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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