so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Randomize
