Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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