On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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