I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
