i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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