She announced her abortion via fbk
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
NoShamevember. You game?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
