I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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