As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
