Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I lost the right to judge tonight
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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