good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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