So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I will die if light touches me.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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