My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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