all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
