you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can I color on your dick again?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
