I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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