i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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