You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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