My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
birth control should be required to get into college
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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