Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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