her vagine was all disorganized.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
