My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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