i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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