Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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