I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
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How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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