I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think i have herpe
just one?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
