Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
