So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
