Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You're like the curious george of whores
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
