Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize